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Monday, December 3, 2012

Reuben's Birth: Part 1


Thursday, October 4th (41 Weeks)

Wow. I made it to 41 weeks! I don't really remember how I spent my day – probably lounging around the house. Around 1:30 PM I got a call from Joel telling me he was on his way home. I had a prenatal appointment scheduled for 2 PM, so I asked him to meet me there (partially because I thought it would be nice for him to be at one of my appointments (aside from the home visit) and partially because I didn't want to think about keeping control over my two kids during a naptime appointment while hugely pregnant).

He met me at Debbie's house and we had a very routine appointment. She and I chatted about her recent trip to California (during which we had assumed I would give birth, since she was gone from 39-41 weeks), and we joked about how Bucky had decided to wait for her to come back. My BP was a perfect 113/72, FHR was 144-ish, and fundal height was holding steady at 38cm. I had developed some swelling in my legs (literally) overnight that was so bad that I could feel it sloshing around in my right foot when I would run up the stairs (yes, I could still run up the stairs). I was hoping the swelling meant that the baby had settled even further into my pelvis, but I wasn't very hopeful since he had been so low for so many weeks at this point.

The last thing Debbie and I discussed was post-date monitoring. This is the first time we had really discussed it, and I was honestly getting a little nervous. I love that they are so laid back, but I also felt like I might need some outside reassurance that everything was still fine. She recommended that if I didn't have the baby that night that I should call See Baby and schedule a biophysical profile (BPP) for Monday. I would be 41+4 by that point and since BPPs are good for 3 days, it would get me through to 42 weeks. If we hit that point we'd have more to discuss.

I have to say that physically I felt pretty good, but mentally I was beginning to feel done. I was ready to meet my baby, and I was ready to be able to feel like I could physically be the mom I wanted to be to my other children. It was getting really hard to lean into my daughter's crib to pick her up, and there was no room left on my lap with my belly in the way. Just those little things. Occasionally, I would have thoughts about calling an acupuncturist or pulling out my breast pump in an attempt to self induce, but I knew better. I knew I would never forgive myself if my water broke after some self-inflicted intervention (even if it was completely unrelated). I knew I would be disappointed with myself if perhaps they DID work and I had just evicted my child. It was a huge game I played over and over in my head.

That evening, I chatted on Facebook with my friends Ashley and Katie. Ashley and I discussed Christmas dresses for her girls, and made plans to go to the mall the next day (if a baby didn't magically appear overnight). I had a complete come apart with Katie. She called me and had me talk out my greatest fear about the birth and how I would handle it if it actually happened. (My greatest fear, at this point, was having my baby so quickly that I was alone with my other kids. I avoided this by doing my best not to be alone.) I cried some necessary tears. I think we were both concerned that by holding in all of those thoughts I was somehow keeping labor from happening.

I also talked with Nichole about how I was feeling. We talked about my fear of a fast labor, and how I really wanted a textbook, 8-hour daytime birth after a nice long night of rest.

At some point, I decided I needed to do something to calm myself down. I confirmed the safety of red wine with Debbie (via Facebook chat, to appease my husband) and took my glass of yummy goodness (thank you Tennessee Valley Winery) straight to my bath tub. After my fairly soothing bath I went off to sleep listening to my “Baby Come Out” Hypnobabies track.  

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