There's an old (and apparently very wise) saying, "You make plans and G-d laughs." Well, he better have hiccups.
It all started with my daughter. (View her pregnancy & birth blog here.) I had an amazing hospital VBAC. It was 98-99% a perfect birth. I was (naturally)high as a kite, and I felt like I could do anything. But that little bugger, she came out a little too wise. She has always done things on her own time, so when she began crawling at 4-1/2 months I began mourning the loss of my baby. I dreamed about the day I would have another one. Someone who would hold still and indulge me in some cuddle time.
Fast forward a few months, to December 2011. We took a family trip to visit everyone we know back home in Florida - including two of my friends. One had a 2 month old little boy, the other was newly pregnant. Oh how I missed those days - so much to look forward to! Apparently I missed it a little too much.
I had been charting for our method of family planning, and since it had been over 60 days since I'd seen my period, I figured I was in a safe zone. WRONG! As with both of my previous children, I woke up the next day just knowing what was to come. I knew what had happened.
I'm going to be honest here. I was really upset. My daughter was just shy of 8 months old, and I was well aware of what happens to my breastmilk supply when I get pregnant. A couple friends of mine tried to reassure me that everything would be okay, but I knew what the future held.
I took a lot more than that...somewhere close to 20 over the course of a week or so. On one hand I was celebrating the new life beginning inside me, but on the other I had to mourn what I was losing with my daughter.
I spent the first 6-7 weeks of this pregnancy very depressed. I felt like I was waiting for my world to implode. I felt like a horrible mother for robbing my daughter of her rightful place at my breast, and I was scared of how I (or we) would handle three very young children when I already had a short fuze. Now that I am a couple weeks out from that point, I realize that a lot of what I was feeling was hormonal. The new hormones of pregnancy coupled with the dwindling hormones of breastfeeding is a very strong combination.
The day I surrendered to what was happening was a very liberating day. I went from this crying, falling apart mess to a mom who began to be excited about the growing family I was creating. I found mothers who offered to help me feed my baby by giving of their own breastmilk, and I will forever be thankful to them for this gift. I still nurse my baby girl, but with the help of a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS).
Supplemental Nursing System
On January 30th, 2012, when I was 5w4d, I had some spotting and cramping. I hadn't yet had a dating ultrasound to actually confirm the gestation, but we had a good idea. I freaked out and got in contact with one of my closest friends (who happens to also be one of my doulas) and she suggested that I text the perinatologist and back-up physician for my previous midwifery practice to see if I could move my dating ultrasound sooner (it was scheduled for 3 days later). I won't even go into how cool it is that I have that kind of personal relationship with a care provider, but I texted back and forth with "DocB" and he told me the office would be awaiting my call in the morning.
I called the next day and was able to get in that afternoon. I left the kids at daycare and went to see what was going on. Everything from the previous evening had calmed down, but I was still nervous.
Meet "Bucky Goldstein"
Bucky was nice and happy inside his/her little home. By measurements, our EDD will be September 27th, 2012.
Also, I'm sure everyone is wondering where Bucky's name came from. Eli has a CD of Jewish music. One of the songs is a rendition of Old McDonald, but the farmer is Bucky Goldstein. And instead of E-I-E-I-O they say Oy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy. So that's where it came from.
